what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
