wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize