The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
