i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
