Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.