I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.