morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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