walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator