She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"