Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
