1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
