I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
