i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
