There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
