maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
