did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
