I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this beer tastes like vomit already
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
