On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
