So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
