"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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