I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Farmville is her only friend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize