So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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