I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
