Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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