woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
