I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
