do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
