I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
