You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
