The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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