I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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