She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
