You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
