Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
