I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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