Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
