Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
