Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
