I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
