Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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