I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
