thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
