I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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