I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
