Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
