batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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