You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
