i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
