The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
