I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
