how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
