I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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