She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
