I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
