I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
