thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Randomize
