Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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