I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
