but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
