if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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