its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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