Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
