speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
