my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
