God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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