mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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