So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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