Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
