Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
