In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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