just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
