smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
