The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
