come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
