dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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