I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
