Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
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I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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