hell yes lets make some ravioli
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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