i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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