The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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